Background
If you live on Guam, you have likely encountered the Tamales Kids. Why did I capitalize that? Because they’re THAT important. The Tamales Kids have been spotted in every village on Guam, peddling their wares of mediocre tamales, most recently branching out into the car washing and Chamorro sausage markets. Why they’re not in school or what bad habits their parents have that necessitates them selling tamales is not important at this time. What is important is that they have become notorious for their tamale hustling ways.

Facts

Chuck Norris bought tamales from the Tamales Kids. And lived.

The Taotaomona ask the Tamales Kids for permission.

The Tamales Kids slapped Telo.

You don’t find the Tamales Kids, the Tamales Kids find you.

There once was life on Mars, until the Tamales Kids sold them tamales.

The Tamales Kids don’t buy drinks for girls. The girls buy tamales.

By ‘sunshine’, Gutierrez is actually referring to tamales.

The Tamales Kids ran 12 flat in a stock tC.

The Tamales Kids put in the winning bid for GPSS lunch service until somebody lost their paperwork.

The Tamales Kids don’t amen; they say “you’re welcome”. Continue Reading

You know you’re a hardcore haole when you take your family out to dinner and ask for separate bills.

You know you’re a hardcore haole when you take the beer you chenchule’d to a party home when you are about to leave.

You know you’re a hardcore Chamorro when you stand in the front of base with a grass skirts and a sign that says “go home yankee” but yet you’re at the commissary buying meat on the weekends.

You know you’re a hardcore Chamorro when all your shirts are fight shirts.

You know you’re a hardcore Chamorro when you have been married three times but still have the same IN-LAWS!

You know you’re a hardcore Chamorro when all 4 brands of tires on your truck are different brands….

You know you’re a hardcore Chamorro and in love because the windshield in your truck is broken.

You know you’re a hardcore Chamorro if you have two pairs of scotts…one indoor, one outdoor

You know you’re a hardcore Filipino when you knowingly cut in front of a looooong line while people are watching you commit this terrible act, then when confronted you say “oops, I’m berrry sarrry” and then still stay in the line until somebody atan babas you….

You know you’re a hardcore Chamorro when you call a Suzuki Samurai a Jeep.

You know you’re a hardcore Chamorro when you put a sticker of your last name on your vehicle.

You know you’re a hardcore Filipino when you go to the flea market early buy something cheap from someone go back to your spot a little further down and sell the items for more Continue Reading